Lazinessitis Strikes!

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

Been quite some time since I last update due to lazinessitis. A term used to describe a condition of pure indescribable laziness. A term introduced by my ex-primary school's principal, Mrs Mary Fletcher. Oooh.. I still remember her fierce, strict appearance but actually warm and motherly.

Anyways, in between my last update and now, Fuh! A lot have been happening; I seriously don't know where to start or what to update about. A ball of confusion in my brain. It is just not braining. 

Ok let's start with something mild or light. Appreciation. Loving oneself.

In this era whereby beauty, body size, shape everything has its standard, people have become too conscious. It's sad actually. Some don't even have the confidence to appear barefaced in public just because they're afraid that they're not pretty enough. Truly sad. 

Last June, the boys were having their school hols and as usual due to my 3rd boy sitting for his PSLE soon, we did not actually manage to go overseas for holiday so around Singapore it is. As usual on one of the days, we went to one of the boys' favorite spots that is The Children's Garden at Gardens by the Bay. I love the place because every time our family take a trip there, the flowers seemed to look different. Still pretty though.

Maybe after entering the Big-4 I have started to look at things differently. I reflected upon myself more. Whilst admiring the blooms, I can't help but appreciate and be thankful for all the blessings. We might not be well to do but we surely have tremendous blessings around us. Being able to wake up every morning to a brand-new day, being able to witness the pretty blooms of all kinds, being able to breathe and smile, etc. When admiring the pretty blooms and taking pictures, I can't help but muttered SubhanAllah... How pretty are Allah's creations.

Suddenly I remembered that in the Qur'an it mentioned that Allah created everything to be beautiful and perfect. Then I pondered about how some people are embarrassed of their faces even when they are naturally pretty. Yes, due to this ayat, I reflected and realised that everyone and everything is beautiful because Allah likes and creates beautiful creations. We are perfectly imperfect and beautiful in our own ways just the way Allah likes it. So why must we measure up to other people's standard of beauty? There's even a saying "Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder", so doesn't that just mean that there's not standard of measurement for beauty. Thus, why must one degrade oneself or one degrade others. Based on standards that we are forced to follow and agree. Then when are we thankful for what we are blessed with? Does it mean that if we do not meet others' standards then we won't be accepted nor loved? Says who?

So, I think one must love oneself before expecting love from others. Remember, people will most likely disappoint and criticize you but never Allah. We might not be beautiful to others BUT we are always beautiful to Allah. So be Thankful Always and Love yourself no matter how you look like because each of us are unique never the same. Alhamdulillah 💓💓💓

Ok have to end here... laziness is creeping in again 😂😂😂 I want to upload some pictures of the blooms that I came across but yeah laziness is here.

Bismillah... I am Back

 بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

It has been a long time since my last post in 2024. We have since then entered year 2025. May this year be wayyy better for all of us. May Allah grant us our du'a and may our problems be solved this year. 

I try not to blabber much since this is my 1st post for year 2025 😜😜 but you know my posts are mostly reflections looking back on whatever is happening, figuring out lessons from such happenings and such.

Over the past few months, I have realised how I took the simplest joys in life for granted. My children, my health, appetite, laughter, etc. The simple blessing of being able to wake up in the morning on a brand-new day. That deep sleep through the night and that power nap during the day. Those are the normal regular things. Little as they are but taken for granted most of the time because it is a norm like everyone goes through it every day every night. But... those who know, know how important such things are and how much they will affect us should we lack of it and deprived of it.

The second half of 2024 taught me alot of things. To always moisten my lips with remembrance of HIM and Prophet Muhammad SAW. Indeed, in remembrance of HIM, the heart finds peace and tranquility. Indeed, such simple actions/ habits prove powerful. Nothing happens without His will. Kun Faya Kun... Nothing is impossible for HIM and to have full utmost tawakkul in HIM. 

There were times when I used to do alot of dhikr and as times goes by, that dhikr got lesser and lesser and soon I had no time for it. I did it as and when. Not a very good example I must say but I am only human whose Imaan does go up and down 😔 I guess Allah's love for me is so great more than I love myself for when I seem to be consumed by worldly matters, the time spent prostrating to HIM got shorter and shorter... 😭He guided me back in a way that awakens me. I can't say I hit rock bottom because there are always people in a much worse condition, but it was how do I put it, challenging, alhamdulillah. That was when I went reflected more on my actions. I claimed I am a Muslim but how many times in a day I remember Him, how many times in a day I thanked Him, is my heart even present when I performed my solat, etc. I am lacking in so many ways. I learnt to let go of matters beyond my control, to control my tongue, to think more before responding, to always always prostrate sincerely, wholeheartedly and importantly always istighfar and always say alhamdulillah in whatever conditions good or bad. 😌😌😌

I came across this sharing online and it just resonates with me. It is in Malay (will translate it in English to my best knowledge 😁)

💕💕💕💕💕

Allah yang mengujimu dengan sesuatu, Allah juga yang akan menolongmu keluar dari ujian itu.

Saat Allah memberimu sakit, Allah yang biayai pengubatanmu.

Saat Allah memberi beratnya beban dipundakmu, Allah yang memberikan kesabaran di hatimu.

Saat Allah membiarkan kamu mengalami kecewa dan patah hati, Allah yang menyembuhkan hatimu.

Dan saat Allah mengujimu dengan manusia, Allah juga dengan cara Nya yang menolongmu terlepas darinya.

💚💚💚💚💚

Basically, everything happens by Allah's will. Nothing will ever happen if He does not allow Him. He is the One who puts you to trial and He will help you go through it. He bless you with ailment and He will cure you. He places a burden upon you and He will instill patience in you. He will make you go through disappointment so that He will heal your heart. He will test you in your relations with people but He will help you in His way. So put your trust in HIM, leave matters to HIM, do your utmost best and He will help you in His way. Allah will never ever harm or intend anything bad. There's always a blessing in disguise, have yaqin in HIM and keep on striving. Allah SWT will make things better, much better, wayy better than before, in syaa Allah. 

💖💖💖We are humans, it is human to err. Just learn and reflect and move forward. The past will remain the past, the future is unpredictable, and the present is indeed a gift 💖💖💖

Reflections in the Water

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

A lot have been happening these past few weeks. I have been meaning to update this blog time and time again but was unable to due to busy multi-tasking. It has been a roller-coaster ride if you get what I mean. Not easy being a stay home ummi (mom) to 5 boys and a part-time student too. Lots of juggling and being all octopus-like 😉

Slowing Down

There was one time when the fyp on my TT was full of some kind of scandal which I don't even follow and such. It was intense I must say like continuously the same story with new revelations and such. A whole lot of drama with the comments being nasty, judgmental and such. Then there's other happenings which made my heart felt heavy and brain felt numb. The I guess, it is time to slow down... weird but even though I clicked "not interested", it will still appear as if saying read me and comment 😒😒😒So off with TT, IG and whatever for a while and just go direct to shopping online if need to 😁😁😁

Reflections in the Water

You know sometimes when you drink you like to stare at the water and just... stare. And then you start thinking about a million and one Whys.

Like why a woman hurts another woman when you expect someone of the same gender to understand how another is feeling. Seriously, I loved to think someone of the same gender will feel how I feel but no. Apparently, it is true humans are selfish and often blinded by their desires. Not many will be able to restrain themselves from following such desires. True enough the nafs is way evil than the syaitan in us. And those commenting and making a big deal out of the whole thing, do they even know the people involved personally? One thing I reflect upon and seemed to be proven true is that sometimes as human beings we think everyone around us are doing wrong things like this is not the way neither is that. We forgot that we are also humans, and we also err. Whatever that is happening to others might happen to us, so it is better to take care of our own mouths (meaning language). While I do not support such things, to criticise and humiliate others way too much is just not wise. In Islam there are adab in our lisan meaning oral meaning language, speech, etc. Sometimes you criticise or being so judgmental towards others that you forgot that you have husband, parents, children, etc. Like what if it happens to you. So be mindful in what you say especially in criticising others. Indeed, it is syiok for some people to jump in the wagon and criticise or humiliate or being all judgmental BUT be careful whatever or however you judge others, the same thing might happen to you, so if you can't say nice things then just don't say it. Simple as that. Talking about others is also considered gossiping or airing out the dirty laundry of others. 😉

Ah yes, I do reflect a lot while drinking or washing or anything related with water. Maybe the sound of water calms me down and allow me to ponder through a lot of stuffs. Seriously a lot runs through my mind. I will keep some others for another time. 

More Pondering... Be the water, Feel the water 😜

The selfishness of humans. Indescribable. 

Most humans think more of themselves than others and when others never think about them, they call others selfish. Mental breakdown mak tau!

Like seriously what are all these world leaders thinking when they see whatever is happening in Palestine and they don't attempt to like stop it, they can still say the israwil is victim and such. Wow! not only blind but yeah stated in the Qur'an about these bunch of people. Nakisuu ala ru usihim. Indeed, they are reversed upon their heads. They no longer think using the state of akal but down to state of lowliness. And if the same thing happens to them (like israwil), they know how to complain. Like you can do unto others the worst, but others can't do it to you. Tsk tsk tsk.. Disgusting spoilt brat behavior. The most arrogant, selfish and defiantly disobedient bunch!!!

Not only them... 

There are also others around us who decide on something and then ta daa... you are to comply with whatever that is decided. No one asks you for your opinion. when you speak up, they will put you down, well, majority wins 😒😒😒 Not everyone is privileged nor does everyone like to open up their aib (dirty laundry). Is it wrong to be mindful? If you don't like people telling you to do things that you don't agree on, then don't do unto others. No one is perfect, just be considerate... simplest form of respect. I am not directing to anyone but more like one of the whys that I have been pondering upon. Sometimes it is true when I saw this person who said, you might be in a chat group discussing things BUT the other members in that chat group might formed another chatgroup without you in it. And THAT is where the real discussion is. Looks like it is true... I have personally come across it many times. Family, friends, you name it... it is just that sometimes you feel better pretending not to know. And that is the reason why most messages just receive blue ticks 😏😏😏

Ok this entry has been quite lengthy. Till next time... I have done mirror reflection, water reflection, next where to reflect 😜😜😜

Eid Mubarak!!!

 بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم 

It has been quite some time since my last post. Ramadan had been great, alhamdulillah. Missing the holy month right now. It is a month of fasting and making new intentions. Getting re-connected to the Al-Qur'an. Afterall humans are not perfect and they do err. Their state if imaan is more or less up and down every single day so new intentions and re-connections are greatly needed. 

It is now the month of Syawal. Eid Mubarak!

The thing about Eid is that it is a joyous occasion, of course, after we successfully fasted (self-restrained) during the month of Ramadan. However, the dreadful thing is how it seems like, how do I put it, wanting to appear good and perfect to others. Ok before you get me wrong. What I meant is like how you ensure your house is so abnormally clean because you are afraid that some people will look and see and judge and spread. Like getting ready to get supervised. Get it? 

There is a saying," when you enter a person's home, pretend you are blind. And when you exit the person's home, pretend you are mute."

It basically means when you enter a person's house, do not look around and scan whatever around the house or make unnecessary comments. And when you exit from the person's house, pretend you are mute meaning do not go around passing judgements or telling others about the condition of the house or the stuffs the person has inside his/her house. Basically, just keep yourself to, well, yourself. Simple right BUT it is the most difficult thing to do for MOST people.

Other than that, Syawal is more like re-connecting with distant relatives, forming new bonds and eating lots of good food and cookies. A month of fasting followed by feasting. 

In Syawal itself, we have 6 days of optional fasting (a good opportunity for extra ibadah, in syaa Allah). It is a good time to qada' (repay) missed fast too, since our body and tummy are still used to fasting. 

This is only the first week of Syawal, soon will be the week of open houses. The week where people ordered or cook a buffet spread and set aside days where they will not go out visiting but stay home to welcome guests. Another week of feasting (that 6 days of optional fasting is also like detoxing your body). Where I am from and the culture I am being brought up in really practice "1 month of fasting followed by 1 month of Eid". A joyous occasion but must control the nafs in feasting. 😂😂😂

My online classes will resume tonight after a month of break and soon exams will follow. Raya is still Raya but study also need to study. Raya-ing with book along. 

There's a lot of things I feel like expressing but since it is Eid, I shall stop here.😁😁😁

Last but not least, Eid Mubarak! TaqabbalAllahu minna wa minkum. Minal 'aa-idin wal faizin💚🙏

Enjoy your blessed Eid with your loved ones.

In the Hands of Other

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم 

I keep myself updated with the whole Palestine issue and it saddens me that the lives of millions of people are in the hands of a handful of idiotic leaders/ people. Amongst them are the power-hungry idiots and those who are being bribed with monetary gains. It just seems unfair like who are they to decide who to live and who to die, who to feed and who to starve, who to send aid to and who to restrain aid to. Seriously?! Aren't we human being too over our heads for our own good? 

It is revolting to know that the whole lot of powerful idiotic elites (except for those who cares) can't even stop a handful of barbaric delusional psychos 💩💩who don't even belong to that particular country. And oh, not forgetting, their kaypoh sidekicks who think so highly of themselves. Like seriously, their own countries are so full of problems and yet these bunch of sticky brown noses love sticking their noses into other people's war. Do they seriously think that they have done a good job in governing their own countries? Oh puhlease!!!! 😒They put themselves unto high pedestal acting all high and mighty when their own citizens are screaming, "CEASEFIRE!!!" and these political idiots, with Bidin and Setanyahoo as their leaders 💩💩💩, suddenly turn deaf and frantically searching for stupid excuses to make their oppression and attacks valid. Like the whole world is awake and they are watching. Yet these delusional psychos, especially the Poland-born Setanyahoo, can still lie through their teeth without batting an eyelid. How do these people become fathers? How do these leaders sleep at night knowing that their hands are stained with the blood of the innocents?! Revolting indeed!!! And amazingly the world allows these "worse than animals" creatures to roam around the earth. They're devils, I mean even the devil will shake his head looking at these bunch of blood-sucking, power craze idiots! Sheesh!!!😤😡

It is soo sad that the lives of the innocents Palestinians are being put in the hands of the power-craze and coward leaders. Really really sad that these people have a say on how innocent human lives should be treated even when a genocide IS already happening and yet they seem too lenient about it 😭😭😭. Once again disgusting. I know Allah will give them the recompense same as how they treat innocent lives and that the worse level of Hellfire is waiting for them for their disregard of human lives and humanity as a whole. The lives of Palestinians don't deserve to be put in these people's hands. They're too precious for that. With ICJ rulings today, it just showed the cowardice of some leaders and how we can never ever rely on anyone or any laws other than Allah SWT. People WILL disappoint us because some (not all) easily give up their conscience, their humanity, their principle for the sake of worldly benefits, money, etc. I really truly pray that the oppressed will get their due justice and the oppressors, and their sidekicks will get the worse ever retribution that they deserve.

I pray that Good will triumph over EVIL soon very very soon. These idiots need to be taught a lesson (nope... multiple lessons). I pray that Palestine will be free because their lives are too precious to be put in the hands of others. They are just too precious. They should be given the right like all the other human beings. Seriously, the psycho gang should stop it eh and don't be soo kaypoh!!!! 😡😡😡

Mirror of Thoughts

 بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

It has been a while. The start of 2024 has been very hectic with the boys' starting new schools, new term, new classes and new environment. However, the news on my IG page as well as TT remains the same. Very sad and heartbreaking. Humans being all greedy, malicious, manipulating, just pure evil without even a little pinch of guilt. 

Anyways, not here to address the issues that I have been addressing in my previous posts. This time is about how shall I put it... Gratefulness or This vs That? 😏

Different people have different opinions but somehow maybe due to age, I have been reflecting a lot like really a whole lot on everything that have been happening. I have been trying to age gracefully but with all these thoughts flooding in, I doubt that the journey will be as graceful 😜

Ok here goes...

Someone who used to have financial issues has now become someone who can afford everything. Something to be happy or celebrate about, right? But what if that makes someone thrifty into someone who spends lavishly? which is better? A person humble, thrifty who puts needs before wants or someone who spends lavishly and put wants before needs... something to ponder about. Yeah, they deserve to spend their money BUT is wealth a guaranteed forever thing? What if the wealth given is a test given by Allah to see how grateful we are? Like if you are poor or financially constrained, will you curse, blame or whine all day or be grateful that you are given another chance to make your life better. In Islam, it can be scary if Allah keeps giving and giving despite the sins we are doing and how ungrateful we are. Ungrateful as in things are always never enough for us no matter how much He bestows his favors upon us. It is already stated in the Al-Qur'an that Allah will test us in whatever situation we are in in poor or in wealth. 

So, what I am trying to put across is not envy towards people bestowed with wealth but more like peering into the mirror to see things not only as a reflection but deeper. How scary it can be seeing people change? And let it be a reflection for us. Always be grateful and not take things for granted. Nothing in this world is permanent. Use what is being blessed upon us to perform good deeds as we are accountable for every little blessing bestowed upon us.

Eh, I am not saying that we can't self-reward ourselves, ya... more like sure, we can buy all the designer brand items we want but just not be wasteful, that's all. 

This year starts out with a lot of reflections. Looking into the mirror and reflect on how different we are from before. How have we changed? With the ongoing war in Pal3stin3 and other Arab countries, looking at their people struggling to live their lives and having that great tremendous faith. How are we affected? They just showed us how important to always be thankful. Money, branded items all gone within minutes or even seconds. Yet, they remain grateful. So, are we going to change the moment we are blessed with wealth, etc.? Are we going to splurge whenever we can afford to like every day? 

Not only with wealth but also with a lot of things we are always in the state of This vs That, the pro vs the cons, etc. 

As I type this, I am still reflecting and pondering. Looking deep into my mirror of thoughts always.

Hope 2024 will be better than 2023 for everyone! Hope that everyone will always be grateful, ya! Stop thinking and buying nonsense 😝😝😝 (a great reminder for me, my hubby can vouch for that! 😂)

The One That Beats

 بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

The happenings in the past few days make me ponder a lot. I am a "work-in-progress" and I seriously need to cleanse the most important part of myself which is the one that beats. Yes, the heart. The most important, vulnerable part of a human being. That which can cause envy, perception, judgements, good feels you name it. That slightest doubt passing through the heart is enough to make a person be suspicious of another. That slightest heart flutter is enough to make a person be captivated by another. See it is all from the heart. 

The disease that I am afraid of comes from the heart. Envy, Pride, Arrogance, Doubt, Greed, etc. Root of all evils. Thus, cleansing of the heart is very important.

Ok back to the happenings and the pondering. Well, as a person I am wondering about the actions, words of another. Like when a person does something syirik and yes declares himself/ herself as a Muslim, how do they feel, what are they thinking? Because Islam is a monotheist faith where we believe in Allah being the One and Only god of the worlds. And associating partners with him is not exactly what a monotheist should do. We sought for help only from Him, praise Him alone, submit and worship Him alone as well as put our trust and reliance upon Him alone. HasbunAllah wa Nikmal Wakeel... Allah suffices for me.So when a person performs something syirik doesn't that means he/she has associated partners with Allah. It is mentioned a few times in the Qur'an in regard to associating partners and sihr. So really what are people thinking and what is it that comes across their hearts in such thoughts?

Another is in giving advices, do people ponder before saying anything? Do people reflect upon themselves and think things through carefully on how to get the message across to others? For me the most difficult part in giving advices is that a person needs to carefully reflect and construct their words in order for the message to get across without undermining the other person. Most importantly is the heart, educate the heart to be neutral and not feel as if what is being put across as something that is forceful. Also, not to feel the greatness and arrogance as one giving advices because after all whatever that comes out of our mouths reflect our hearts and is by the will of Allah. Always bearing in mind we are human beings, and it is human to err. We are not perfect and so are others. Like my mak always remind "Do unto others like how you want others to do unto you." 

Always remember to self-reflect before advising others. Advising others is like a self-reminder to our self. Practice what you preach. Good deeds done in silence are way better. It helps the heart from feeling riak. And Ustazah F ever reminded that the moment you just thought about feeling "what if I did this and people view me as riak?" ... That itself shows the existence of riak in your heart. 

So, see the vulnerability of the one that beats i.e. the Heart. Always strive to clean it by having husnuzhon instead of su'uzhon.